You know, I've been feeling immensely bored lately, although I somehow don't think that it has anything to do with being bored. More like... restlessness. Yes, that's definitely it, restlessness.

Here's a story within the my personal saga: A friend's professor is 28 years old, has published 3 books, and well, has a Ph.D. 28. Am I the only person who feels as if they've accomplished absolutely nothing in comparison to that?

If I really wanted to be "emo" about it, I would say that I'm having an early-young-adult-aged crisis. Oh wait, someone has just informed me that it's simply called life. Never mind, then.

But I digress, there are so many things that I wanted to achieve by the time I was 20, maybe 21; There are still so many things I want to achieve after that age, and yet, it doesn't look like I'm moving my way towards achieving those goals at all.

People have always asked, "What do you see yourself doing 5 years from now?" I have about a hundred answers to that because I can frankly "see" myself doing anything. Perhaps I'm blowing my own horn, but I'm not so horribly bad at anything that I couldn't make a career out of; And yet, I'm not spectacular at anything to really excel at it. So in the end, it all comes down to what you truly enjoy doing.

Only thing is, the things I truly enjoy doing, I'm not so great at - but again, I'm not horrible - it would be a struggle, per se, to make it as some sort of writer/actor/stage manager/producer, etc, etc... On top of that, I obviously don't have that much dedication, or whatever, to taking that path, otherwise I would be out there, right now, looking for those supposedly (because I've never actually looked) plentiful opportunities to further myself to where I want to be.

Academically, I'm learning things. I'm enjoying the things that I'm learning, but sometimes I wonder if what I'm learning isn't just pointing me in the direction to the ability to learn more things. In the end, I'm a huge knowledge pot, but a poor, homeless one.

In the end, a large portion of the population that I have contact with constantly say to me, "Well, you can always teach , and that gives you time to do things on the side." Granted, I wouldn't mind teaching, but that's the operative word there - "mind". I think that I would just be insulting all those great people (some who are not so great) who actually want to teach because I don't think that I could ever have the kind of passion that goes with that.

Plus, fucking everyone seems like they're going to teach.

Which is horrible for me to say because really, society or the world, or Canada, or wherever really does need a batch of competant and qualified educators for the new generation and I really respect that. It's also horrible for me to say that because it seems as if I'm against a whole, potentially fulfilling, career path just because I don't want to "do what everyone else is doing"; In turn, I ask myself, what is non-conformity? In essence, it's narcissism... Which I despise (and yet, sometimes embody).

The more I think about it, the more I think that I should have gone away for school... Maybe then it wouldn't feel like I'm wasting my time on getting a degree for something I'm not so sure I want...


:: Emily 1:03 AM [+] ::